Healthstyle Blog

The Dark Cloud pays a visit

I woke up this morning and right above me was a dark cloud. Has this ever happened to you? You wake up and you feel a wave of negative emotion slowly come over you. If you were to name the emotion, it could be shame, humiliation, hopelessness, sadness etc. The name of my visitor in the dark cloud was shame. It was almost 5am and I was supposed to go to the gym. In that moment all I wanted to do was go back under the covers and stay in bed for the rest of the day. I even went as far as to consider cancelling my plans for the weekend. Plans that involved working on several important projects for my business. The dark cloud of shame was taking over.

As difficult as it was I got out of bed, brushed my teeth and changed into my gym clothes and drove to the gym to run my 7 miles by 7am as planned. That was my plan from the night before and I wasn’t going to let the dark cloud looming overhead hijack my chance to move. I drove silently, my default joyous mood was conspicuously absent. My top 3 moods on any given day are joy, excitement and gratitude. On this morning the mood for the day was gloom and its close sibling doom.

I let myself feel the negative emotion. I’ve met shame before and know it quite well and wasn’t going to run away from it by buffering or ignoring it, even though those 2 options were quite appealing. As a coach I know the tremendous benefit that comes from getting to know all your feelings – good and not so good ones.

Feeling all your emotions allows you to experience life to the fullest. It allows you to feel the depths of joy and the layers of sadness as we go through the ups and downs of life. Choosing to feel one over the other is like saying you only want to be happy all the time. The choice to be happy all the time is possible but would mean that you experience happiness regardless of what is going on – death, births, accomplishments, sickness, you get my drift.  Feeling all your feelings, not some is what makes us human.

I didn’t run away from the cloud, but even as I felt the dark cloud above I was determined in my state of gloom and doom not to give it full reign to consume me. I was aware and spoke to it with curiosity and compassion. What do you want from me? I asked. I was looking for answers. I didn’t get a response. The cloud wasn’t going to take over. The cloud could stay but I was going to call the shots until it was ready to make its exit. I was going to go ahead with every single task I had planned for the day even though I didn’t feel like it.

Dark clouds come and go. Some clouds visit for a short time, while others overstay their welcome, eventually they leave. Next time a cloud comes to visit, don’t push it away or ignore it. Get curious and allow yourself to feel the emotion the cloud brings with it. And as you feel the emotion be compassionate with yourself and remember it’s an emotion. An emotion that you can experience and learn from. No matter how you’re feeling, don’t let it take control you have the upper hand and make it known.

As I write this a few hours after my encounter with the dark cloud, I still feel gloom and doom looming overhead but I know without a shadow of doubt that it will pass and feeling all the feels (good and bad) is a major part of the glorious human experience called Life.

 

Comments

  1. Folake Taylor

    Wow Kwavi! Been feeling the same way all day. I thought it was MS, and the weather with the dipping barometric pressure!!! And it may well be but it’s good to know I’m not alone in this experience today. At my Barre class this morning, a patient of mine who comes also felt “off” like I did. Out of sync. We didn’t even feel energized at the end of the class as usual.
    Then I was just retightening my Sisterlocks. My loctician has felt the dark cloud all day as well. I think talking about it with these people has helped. Like you said, don’t ignore it or pretend it’s not there. Acknowledge it, but don’t let it own you, or take over your day. That’s what each of us did. The sun is popping out every few minutes now and as I walked out the building to my car just now with the sun shining, I did feel somewhat better. Maybe we all need light therapy. Glad you wrote this blog. Hope your day is getting better too.
    Tomorrow is another day.
    Do-over!
    🤗❤️

    • Kwavi Agbeyegbe

      Thank you for your response Folake. Yes it’s definitely reassuring to know that we are not alone. I’m so glad all the women you spoke of didn’t allow it to take over and own them. I’m glad I wrote this blog and you are absolutely right, tomorrow is another day 😘

  2. Natalie

    Thank you for this blog Kwavi. I know that my response to this one is a bit late but this is when I got to read it. I truly appreciate it because I can identify with everything that you have said. I have been experiencing the presence of that cloud for a while now. I had treated it with fear, ignoring it, getting angry with it, diagnosing it as hormonal, excercise, checking on it constantly to see if it was gone(shame face). I would take vit b or tumeric or any vitamin that I would have read would lift it away.

    I realise however, that it is here to help me face things that I have pushed down and that is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. It continues to be a scary journey but it is worth braving the question, “Why are you here?” I have been surprised at the answers I am receiving.

    I remain grateful for your blogs. Remember that even in the clouds there is beauty. We just have to observe the different shades of grey and change our view of the darkness. (I am only now learning this). Have a great day Kwavi!

    Regards
    Natalie

    • Kwavi Agbeyegbe

      Natalie thank you so much for taking the time to read the blog and share your experience the the cloud. Yes even in the clouds there is beauty and it is there for a reason and shouldn’t be ignored. Keep on bring brave!!

  3. Lisa

    This article was VERY good and sooooo on time. Periodically I get into a funk. This funk comes from the deaths of My Tribe.

    Starting in 2005. My sister and aunt (my Mother’s sister)t 2 weeks apart. One brother in 2007. Other living brother has nothing to do with me. 2009 (Mother’s brother) and Grandmother passed 4 months apart. Then ex-husband in 2010 whom was a better Friend than husband after our marriage wa over.

    Prayer and Time. More prayer, and good friends during those years helped. Therapy helped too.

    I’ve never named this funk as you and I think will. I’ll call iT Good Grief. As children we watched Charlie Brown and his word was Good Grief. I still watch Charlie Brown to this day.

    Each member of My Tribe provided conversation. I Enjoy talking. The exchange. I miss that with them. Thank you for sharing, cause where I live many say the phrase oh too much I’m Good, and just can’t with them and their BS.

    Overall iT was a Good Day and pushed on through.
    As my saying goes…
    Keep iT PushiN

    • Kwavi Agbeyegbe

      Lisa thank you so much for sharing your experience with your Tribe and how you handled it. You know all too well, the feeling and I love how you listed what helped you during that time. Good Grief is such an appropriate name especially with the way you explained it. Yes we will miss those conversations with those we love. You’re a bright light. Keep sharing your bright light with the world.

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