Healthstyle Blog

Who Do You Want To Be? B True B You!

It can be difficult trying to be yourself in a world or society that verbally or by actions frowns upon certain behaviors that do not conform to the “ideal” of how a person should behave. My question to you is:

“Are you living the life you really want to live or are you conforming to what others expect of you?”

I had a discussion with a friend last week and we got on the topic of living your life on your own terms and what makes you truly happy. She is a friend who I can honestly say lives her life to the fullest. She has never let her age or what others say dictate what she does. Over the last few years a number of her friends and family members have asked her on when she plans to grow up. My friend said she responded to one of them by saying “if your idea of  growing up means I can’t live my life in a way that makes me happy then I will never be grown up in your eyes”. This is a clear example of imposing your own manual on someone else.

Permit me to say this:

“Quit using your own manual on other adults.”

You might even be able to use your own manual with your children for a little while but children develop their own manual that might have been molded by yours. Yet, to be honest that is not a guarantee. They might decide to develop one that is completely different from yours.

It might bother you to see another woman wearing an outfit that you might think is not appropriate according to your own manual. So what!

It might bother you to see a woman that has made the decision to have plastic surgery because it doesn’t seem right according to your manual. What are your thoughts on this ?

Sometimes we use our manuals in a way that can be hurtful. I have heard the example below from a lot of of my female clients. A lady makes the decision to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle and has a goal in her mind. Initially while losing the weight she gets the support from her family and friends. As she strives towards her goal, she gets slimmer and begins to look different. Sooner or later  family and friends start to make comments like “Oh no! you are getting too thin!”, “Don’t you think you have lost enough weight?”. The lady is ecstatic that she is losing weight and doing her best to become healthier and hearing comments like this makes her feel discouraged.  There again the manual pops up.  I share the quote below with my clients all the time but it is a tough one to swallow without guidance and support.


We look up to others for validation however, without the proper support you end up going around in circles trying to conform to different manuals. It never ends and you can end up feeling  frustrated and miserable. The only manual you should adhere to is the one you have created for yourself, one that feels right to you. Remember this is your manual and it’s subject to change by the creator – You.

Many many years ago in a faraway land in England, a young girl conformed to other people’s manual. She was told that she needed to gain weight because she looked like a teenager. The young girl was in her 20’s and abandoned her own manual and used theirs. She was miserable and felt so unhealthy. A few months later of feeling caged and lifeless, she fortunately realized that the manual created by others was not working for her. She made changes and adopted her manual again and lived healthily ever after. That young girl back then was me. Some might say being called very slim or very thin is a good problem to have. However being made to feel like you are not good enough and have to measure up hurts no matter the reason.

Do you conform to your own manual? Do you find it difficult conforming to it because of others? I would love to hear from you on how you have handle your manual or the manual of others. Send me an email as I would love to read your experience with different manuals.



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