Healthstyle Blog

Manage Your Mind, Manage Your Health

Unfortunately there is no college for us to attend that will teach us how to be mature adults. An adult that is not able to manage his emotions has not matured past childhood. I see this a lot of times with clients. They react to their emotions or avoid them completely rather than taking full responsibility. For many, this is displayed by overeating – a way to disengage and avoid emotions; most are oblivious to what’s going on.

From an early age we have been taught that what happens in our lives (circumstance or situation) is the cause of our pain. However, the fact is, it is our thoughts about the situation that makes us feel what we feel. As a coach it is my responsibility to teach my clients that they are responsible for themselves. They are not responsible for what others do to them but they are responsible for having thoughts that cause them pain and misery.

Emotional Adulthood means:

  1. Accepting and taking full responsibility for own pain and joy
  2. Accepting that others cannot make you happy
  3. Accepting that others cannot make you feel secure
  4. Accepting that you and only you can hurt your feelings through your own thoughts

When we blame someone for how we feel, we are essentially giving our power away. Giving our power away allows us to be dependent on another being or on something for how we feel. When we think of a dependent we mostly think of a child hence the term emotional childhood.

My main job is to make my clients feel empowered. They want to become healthy but have given their power away to food. I say “food” because whenever we make the following statements, “I couldn’t help myself” or “I’m not sure why I did that” and a host of other statements that echo the same message, we have essentially given power to food. I help my clients understand that they have more power than they realize and in order to do this they have to manage their mind. Managing one’s own mind involves taking full responsibility of the situation and once that’s done, emotional adulthood follows naturally.


This is not about blaming oneself for what has been created but about accepting responsibility and that in itself can be empowering and rewarding.

Everything starts with our brain. Our thoughts create emotional states that drive action at work, at home and at play.  What are the most common thoughts about losing weight? What three feelings do these create?  Do they fuel us to do the work we need to do to lose weight?

If the thoughts do not motivate us to do the work we need to do, then we must change our way of thinking. If our thought is “I’m over 40 I’m never going to lose weight”, we will find ways for it to fail and more importantly we will seek evidence through our own actions. We can’t control circumstances in our lives, however we can change our thoughts about the circumstance.

Being over 40 is a fact but not being able to lose weight is not.

I can suggest a meal and exercise plan for losing weight but from my experience with clients over the years I know this is not a sustainable option. It is important to focus on the cause. My goal is to help my clients understand that their thoughts and feelings drive them to “actions” that provide either a positive or negative result.

My goal is to help instill in my clients’ mind that treating the cause not the symptoms will lead to action. This can be likened to using a cast to heal a broken leg (cause) or using aspirin to reduce the pain (symptom) caused by the broken bone. The cast will fix the broken bone while aspirin is a quick fix that will help to alleviate the pain caused by the broken bone. With the aspirin solution the bone is still broken and the aspirin is taking care of the symptoms which is a temporary fix and not the cause in this case which is a broken bone.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you have certain thoughts that come up for you around food? What are your top 3 thoughts around food? I look forward to reading and responding to your comments.

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